Pregnant, abandoned and deported
Anita became pregnant when she was working as a domestic worker in Singapore and was abandoned by the baby’s father, an Indonesian migrant worker. Anita was banned from working in Singapore and deported to Batam as it’s illegal for domestic workers to get pregnant while working in Singapore. As a single mother in a conservative Muslim country, Anita was socially stigmatised, and had nowhere to turn. Her family wouldn't let her return home as she didn’t want to give her up baby for adoption, have an abortion, or abandon her baby. Fortunately for Anita, she was introduced to a shelter which provided her and baby with support pre- and post-birth.
Anita has asked us to share her story because she knows that there are many other women like her out there who are not receiving the same level of care. She wants to raise awareness of the plight of single mothers in Indonesia and create a network of solidarity where women facing similar hardships can share their stories and support each other.
Anita's Story, in her own words
In my life journey that begins with my family being together with jokes and laughter and joy and sorrow with the family, to support everything I wanted to achieve, they are next to me while I laugh and a shoulder for me to cry on when I'm down. When I determine my will, I hope they're happy with how I've tried to make them happy, they're the passion in my life. I leave my family although it saddened me to leave them and live without them. It was far distance between me and my family, I choose to go work far distance because I wanted to be independent and support my brother so that he can go to the high school. I feel sad and pain when I miss my family especially when one of my family pass away I can't go back home and I can't even see them for the last time.
But when love comes it’s where I turn to learn to love people as I love certain members of my own family. But he has been out of the family someone who is sent by God, unwittingly and lack of knowing correctly and what is true, I only heard it and before seeing with my own eyes. Build trust with someone but behind it falsity he is hiding behind me. Life is still running and then I found out that I pregnant, there's many feelings that I felt, happy because I have a baby, scared because I still working and I still want to work, and all this is unplanned pregnancy.
And I decided to keep my baby in my womb. And I got a test or disaster when happiness, sadness, languish, anxiety, hurt, suffering, worry about things I had never experienced and I felt, I finally felt it. Hard time, happy, sad, naturally conceal my laughter from my sadness and pain behind a smile. When someone is trying to know my feelings he said: "Are you ok?" and I replied "yea I'm ok" but cuts and tears that I felt, cover from my sadness with laughter.
At the moment I feel I have been in and unfair, I pray to god to give way for me. Then I determine to go but something blocking my way, and I tried to stay on and see if there are changes to keep all promises. But I had to stay patient and I never be separated from prayer to god. God provides a way for me to leave, but God gave me a little happiness for me, the memory to recall wonderful memories on my birthday.
When I left Singapore wounded, sick and crying like I feel, but for the sake of the most beautiful gift I received from god I was excited to live. Because before I wanted to end my life because I was not strong enough to face the trials but I think again, if I die who will take care of my baby? but because I love my baby and excited to see him, and I think again; I will live together with my baby I will do whatever it is for my baby and I don't want to separate with my baby.
The day I passed, when it is the time to deliver my baby, I was not with my family they're not by my side not even the father of my child he can't even by my side. I feel so alone but I'm so grateful to have a friend who can assist me, help me and waited for me outside the operation room. He was delivered by C-section because my baby has no improve to go on at the opening 3cm. I was inside the operation room alone, no one beside me, only my friends who waited for me outside till my operation is done. Risk my life for my son I submit my body and soul to the heart of god and I do not stop praying.
Then god save me and my son and my tears come out when I hear my baby's cry. Staring funny face made me happy, god blessed me and my gratitude I speak for the presence of my son, a mistake that I did not deliberately make. I cry when looking at him, the loss of someone who was supposed to always be there for him but he wasn't there for him. I pray and hope that he will become a good, pious, and noble son. Listen my son because I love you very much I keep you and give birth to you, I will protect you, support you, teach you, guide, hug you and love you and we live and we are happy because of god's love.
I give birth to you but you come with no instructions. All I knew was that I loved you long before I saw you. I know I made some mistakes and for that I'm sorry, but I was doing the best I could with what I know. Everything I did for you, I did from love. You're my child, my life, my dreams for tomorrow. I will always love you and there's nothing could ever destroy my love for you...
I love you my son