Discarding traditional beliefs for better mental health
In Vietnam, some religious and traditional belief systems discriminate against women. Karmic punishment - the idea that people suffer in this lifetime because of transgressions in their past lives - is pervasive in the country and results in women often staying in situations of violence and abuse.
In this article, a Vietnamese psychologist and Just Peoples project leader discuss how the teachings of love, compassion and spiritual growth that are central to Buddhist philosophy, are largely absent as Vietnamese people practice Buddhism. Instead, as is the case in many religious structures worldwide, the religion is often exploited as a way to control and dominate vulnerable populations. The authors then explain how they’re helping stigmatised and traumatised single mothers unlearn disempowering beliefs, as an essential part of their healing journey towards learning to love themselves fully, in this lifetime.
Hong Tang
Discarding traditional beliefs for better mental health
By Dr. Le Quyen and Hong Tang
Most Vietnamese don’t go to Psychologists to seek help when they have mental issues, due to stigma. Instead, many go to the Pagoda to listen to Buddhist Monk’s preaching.
As Buddhism together with Confucianism very much influence Vietnamese people’s mindsets, most people believe in Karma from previous lives. Thus, many women are willing to suffer from domestic violence, adultery, financial difficulties, or any other family issues that are caused by their husband and his family, because they believe they are Karma punishments for their previous lives. The willingness to suffer from pain caused great trauma to more than 58% of Vietnamese women, who experience domestic violence (according to the 2010 Viet Nam National Study on domestic violence).
Thao Trang is one of those women, who suffered from both domestic violence and adultery. Her husband got a mistress when she gave birth to her first daughter. However, to obey Buddhist and Confucian standards for women, she stayed with him. But when she got pregnant with her third daughter, her husband’s mistress was also pregnant at the same time. The mistress gave birth to a boy, which consolidated Trang’s belief in her bad Karma, because for Vietnamese, only sons are counted as a child, daughters are not.
A woman prays at a Pagoda in Vietnam.
Trang found herself trying to commit suicide when her third child thrashed hard in her stomach. That’s the day she started to seek support from online communities, from people who were in the same situation as her.
That’s where Trang found a special community of women who dare to live against traditional culture and standards, to live for themselves. They dare to divorce, dare to break free, dare to cut their previous life’s Karma. They become single mothers.
Besides having to deal with all the difficulties of raising children alone, these women have to deal with their own trauma and heavy stigma, for being single mothers and for seeking mental health support from experts. This keeps them living in a very difficult situation and can lead to passing their trauma and behaviour patterns unconsciously to their children.
34,000 single mothers have joined the online community which was developed by Hong Tang, using her own personal story as inspiration. There, women who are facing the same issues share their stories, challenges and pains. They also support each other by offering their time, small cash donations, expertise or used clothes/babies/household stuff.
Hong has created and implemented many projects to help the women but the most successful of all is to build a very thoughtful self-help community, where other single mothers welcomed Thao Trang. After listening to Trang share, concerned members of the group flagged Trang’s case to Hong, and she was immediately offered a place in a newly established therapy program.
Women participating in a “self love workshop”.
At first, Trang brought to therapy sessions many warped ideas, beliefs, practices from Buddhism and tried her best to influence others, including her own therapist, who is also a single mother. Trang wasn’t aware of the Buddhist tradition of spiritual and personal growth through meditation, she believed that you can’t control your own life due to Karma. She thought women, and especially single mothers, deserve to suffer because of their “bad souls” so they must accept their punishment in this lifetime. The only thing women can do, Trang believed, is pay a lot of money to monks and pagodas to be allowed to pray for support.
After 3 months in group therapy with other single mothers, Trang received extra support with 1-1 therapy sessions. Slowly, she let go of her old beliefs, and adopted new ideas of loving herself and believing in a clear, self-determined future for her and her daughters. She took back control of her life and got divorced 6 months after starting therapy.
Trang is now partnering with other single mothers she met in the therapy group, to grow a fashion business together. They order products online and distribute them around the country, maximizing their advantage of having 34,000 “sisters” across Vietnam.
Trang and her friend in their new fashion shop.
The pain is yet to leave Trang and there are still many difficulties that she has to face on the way, as raising 3 daughters alone in a very traditional country could be really difficult for any woman. However, she is backed up with her new belief that she doesn’t have to suffer for her behaviour in past lives, and by the new supportive community that she is part of.
So far 90 other single mothers have received the same support as Trang had, through the trauma therapy project we (Quyen and Hong) run. The professional psychologists work tirelessly to enable genuine healing, growing and connecting between the women.
A person with mental health issues and deep trauma needs love and support just like any other physically ill patient. If we care enough and provide the right professional support, someone can transform their lives and themselves - like magic. We cannot change the way people practice religion in Vietnam or the mindsets of people towards depression, but we can provide opportunities for women to learn new ways of thinking and being, so they can break free from harmful ideas, people and behaviours, and begin to live their lives safely and freely.
Hong shares with a group of women in Vietnam.